January is Learn to Snowboard and Ski month in America-
maybe in other countries too, but since the internet only talks about America I
have no idea. Most resorts have some sort of Learn to Ski deal; some even have
deals on tickets if you bring a never/ever
(newbie) to the hill. So, now might finally be time to take the
girlfriend (boyfriend) or
the friend that pays for stuff.
On Thursday’s
of this month I will share some learning and teaching stories of my associates and myself.
We start off with a classic, near death experience.
IF YOU BELIEVE
This is why
never/evers should take lessons and not be left at the mercy of their
ever-so-thoughtful-but-gapers-just-the-same-friends.
This story was told to me by two of my closest
friends, two tough ass Staten Island girls. They are very knowledgeable of all
things football, baseball, basketball, gambling and medically related- they are
not, however, very knowledgeable of mountain life.
The scene begins on a local hill in the
Catskills- Hunter Mountain.
Pan in on two couples.
Jenna and
Loretta have been skiing a couple of times in the past. Loretta has the most
experience of the two. They have brought their brother and sister in-law to the
hill for a nice little skiing time. Jennie and Frankie have never skied before.
Jenna and Frankie get on the lift together and then Loretta
and Jennie get on the chair behind them.
Flashback to earlier in the day, on the
ride up from the city.
Jennie, nervous for the fate that awaits her asks, “
What happens if you don’t get off the lift?”
“You die.” Says
Loretta.
Now- Jenna and Frankie believe that Loretta is joking-
but Jennie believes that you will die. And Loretta believes that you will die.
No one has ever told her otherwise. Logically in her head, the top of the lift
is the end. If you continue on that chairlift journey you will simply die.
Pan back to the couples on the lift.
Jenna and Frankie get off the lift with little
complication.
Loretta leaps
off the lift- as she always does- leaping from death, smashing her head on the
ground.
Jennie stays on- clinging to the chair.
The chair turns to go back down the hill.
Loretta, frantically writhing on the ground begins
screaming, “Jump off! Jump off! You’re gonna die!!!
The liftie stops the lift-
comes out of the booth and is like, “Dude- Stop
Screaming- she’s not gonna die- Stop Screaming!”
Jennie spazes out and jumps off the lift- totally
wiping out.
Later, Loretta
learns she has given herself a concussion.
There’s a first time for everyone……
Loretta now knows that you do not die if you stay on
the lift- they can actually stop the lift and they usually do when she gets
off- she just never noticed.
Every time I hear this story I die- it’s so funny.
